The Ganking Chronicles: Naked Terror

BOOTY BAY–The guard-controlled town of Booty Bay in Stranglethorn Vale was torn apart yesterday by a naked Blood Elf paladin ganking low level players with impunity. Authorities have declined comment, but at least seven people were transported to local hospitals, some grievously injured.

“I was just standing in the clothing store checking out some fine linens when this naked elf charged me and shoved a hammer up my a**,” said Handsaw, a Dwarven citizen decked out in the entire Scarlet set.

GGL Wire obtained this surveillance footage of the rogue paladin, who has clearly strayed from the light.

While some survived the attacks, others were not so lucky. Lynax, a level 1 AFK bank alt, got caught by surprise cooling her heels near the docks. She was pummeled to death as the paladin killed her barehanded.

The paladin himself was only caught once by Booty Bay guards. Mysteriously, he resurrected and continued his reign of terror over local residents.As the violence continued, players fled from the town proper, taking refuge on boats. They found the ships just as dangerous as dry land.

“I thought I’d be safe when I got on the boat,” said Darkrenji, a Draenei paladin of indeterminate experience. She was wrong. “I was stunned as this butt-nekkid Blood Elf ran up, and instead of trying a pickup line, pulled out a massive hammer. He bashed in my face and jumped off the boat!”

“This is clearly the case of a violently anti-social elf,” said a Booty Bay Bruiser who declined to be named. “We’ve seen this kind of thing happen before. It’s never pretty, even if they’re not wearing clothes.”

No amount of counter-attacking stopped the tyrant, and no higher level Alliance players stepped up to the challenge to put an end to this naked terror.