GGL Wire

After almost a month of peace and quiet, the sleepy town of Lakeshire was attacked and nearly razed by a naked Blood Elf Paladin.

The psychotic attacker, who refused to identify himself, used only his fists in the assaults.

“I was grinding out dragon whelps when I see this naked, but pretty ripped, guy run over the hill,” said Buhner, a low level Human Paladin.

“I’m thinking to myself, ‘He’s just homeless or something,’ and so I kept doing what I was doing. Next thing I know, he puts his fist through my face. I have to replace all of my porcelain veneers and sh**, plus my linen shirt. This blows.”

Neither man nor beast was safe from the Paladin’s fury. A large number of warthogs, rabbits and sheep also fell victim to his assaults.

“You should have seen it,” said one town guard. “There were hog entrails from here to the main highway. Even worse, he tore up all the skins. It was like he was trying to put the town into a recession. That and attempting to kill everyone, I mean.”

Local residents made the mistake of assuming the Paladin was part of a Halloween festival.

“Yeah, I thought being naked was his costume. So what?” asked a Lakeshire fisherman. “Plenty of nudists around here, and those greenskins come in all the time wearing next to nothing. I thought nothing of it.”

The fisherman’s mistake proved to be nearly fatal.

“So I turn my back to him and he hits me like a Mack Truck. Now I’m on disability living off government cheese. It’s humiliating,” he lamented.

Despite being chased out of town by a large contingent of armed guards, the Paladin returned.

The ruckus attracted a number of Alliance heroes. One, named Somand, claims to have ended the threat of the rogue Paladin once and for all.

“Dude you should have seen it,” said Somand. “I rammed my dagger right through him, nearly split him in half. He’s dead for sure.”

Authorities have not recovered a body matching the description of the Paladin.

“There’s evidence to suggest that this is the same Paladin terrorizing various locales around Azeroth for the past month,” said Lakeshire’s Grand Marshal Wiggum. “We did find a blood trail leading to the lake, but no corpse.”

Is Azeroth safe from the Paladin’s wrath for good? Only time will tell.